


Confessions

by JaybirdSpectacular



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Pre-Time Skip, Re-upload
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28167486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaybirdSpectacular/pseuds/JaybirdSpectacular
Summary: Ashe was in love with Dedue, but the time never seemed right to confess. So, he waited and waited until it was too late.'It gave him almost as much joy and peace just to have these feelings of love as it would to have them returned. Almost.'
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Dedue Molinaro
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is a re-upload of this work, after I deleted it for a bit.  
> It has been slightly re-edited!

It wasn’t the first time Ashe considered he was in love with Dedue, nor would it be the last.

From the second that Ashe realized what the pounding of his heart, the anxious desire to see Dedue, the nervous jitters he would get, could mean, what it meant, the intrusive daydreams began. Reaching out and taking Dedue’s hand when they walked together. Wrapping his arms around Dedue’s broad shoulders. Cupping Dedue’s face, pulling him close. Ashe wondered if Dedue cared for him in any amount of the same way.

As they were working together in the greenhouse, something that had become a ritual for the two, Ashe felt ashamed. This was a time they shared together, as friends, to relax from their studies and battles. He was ashamed for casting his friend into this role in his mind. If Ashe truly, truly cared for Dedue, and he did, he should say something instead of having awkward, humiliating daydreams.

Ashe considered all the times he could confess. After working together on weekly tasks. While working together on assignments in the library. Inviting him out for tea. Knocking on Dedue’s door after curfew. There were infinite options. So many, in fact, he confused himself trying to decide the best course of action.

The timing never seemed right, and then things began to change for the worse.

After Lonato’s death and Ashe’s fall to the brinks of despair, the only thing that brought him back was his time spent with his classmates; coaxing and gentle, counsel given, cookies shared, books discussed, jokes told, training and support given freely. Each one of them showing him their love in their own way.

And Dedue, of course, understood his feelings painfully well, consoling him and drawing his attentions away from his sorrows and towards his hopes for the future. Reminding him, both through his words and his very presence, of the things he wished to protect. He wanted nothing more than to be the same for Dedue. And, he wanted to know how Dedue felt for him.

But, every time he got up the courage to ask, to reveal to Dedue the depths of his heart, he would chicken out at the last second. A day cooking a new dish together ending in laughter, but not his feelings. Training together, strengthening his body, but his heart still hammered painfully.

Sure, each time he asked Dedue to spend time with him, he always had a lovely day. He wouldn’t trade his friendship with Dedue for the world. And, he knew that even if his feelings were one-sided, Dedue would never think less of him. He knew their friendship was thriving and just as beautiful to Dedue as it was to Ashe.

So, Ashe almost didn’t want to know the answer. If Dedue loved him back, then of course, that would be simply wonderful. He couldn’t contain his smile when he thought about that possibility.

But, if he didn’t, Ashe would have to stop feeling what he does. And…these feelings were so nice. After the pain and suffering he had endured, all the loss and death he had seen in the course of this school year, falling in love was something beautiful, nice, wonderful. It gave him almost as much joy and peace just to have these feelings of love as it would to have them returned. Almost.

Being loved in return would let these feelings grow to new heights. He desired that so badly, to share this heavy but joyous burden with Dedue.

Yet, he’s not sure how he would carry on if he was forced to lay down his burden and move away from this love, should he find it unreciprocated. He’s sure he would be fine, of course, but he didn’t want to have to deal with that fallout, not yet, not while he was still so vulnerable. He would carry his affection in secret for a while, and try again later, when they were older, wiser, and the time was ripe and ready to harvest.

But the time didn’t come. The year, with its anxious writhing undercurrents, broke into a flood when Edelgard declared her war and the professor fell. Their class was forced to split, each heading in their own direction, and though he said his goodbyes and gave his well wishes, he prayed to some god, any deity that would listen, that they would all meet again.

\------

During the first couple years of the war, he was too overwhelmed with protecting his siblings, fending off Imperial attacks, and wrestling with Count Rowe over the loyalties of Gaspard to allow his feelings to come to the forefront of his mind.

He never had confessed, despite how crushing his feelings had felt towards the end of their academy days. Though, until the weeks prior to Edelgard’s betrayal, he didn’t feel a need to get his feelings out. But, the war came, and the chance was lost, overwhelmed by the urgency of a continent thrust into war.

News and rumors had broken out that Dimitri was executed for treason. Ashe didn’t believe it for a moment, of course. Dimitri was too strong; he never would have betrayed his own country. Dimitri was loyal and true.

And, if Dimitri had perished, Ashe wouldn’t be shocked to know that Dedue had fallen alongside his friend. That was a possibility he wouldn’t let himself dwell on.

\---- 

Nearly five years had passed since the outbreak of war, though he had forgotten about the promised date until his younger brother, of all people, brought it up. The promise that he and the Blue Lions had made with their professor to reunite on the day of the Millennium Festival was looming over his head. He had been in loose contact with the other Lions, but that had fallen apart, especially after Ashe was forced to flee Gaspard with his siblings when Rowe finally managed to wrench power and declared loyalty to the Empire.

The siblings had been fighting small groups of Imperials, helping towns low on supplies and with bandit problems, trying to save anyone and everyone they could.

It broke Ashe’s heart that his siblings had been drawn into the conflict after all. He had tried, fought, to keep them safe and out of the fighting. But upon his return to Gaspard five years ago, he had discovered they, too, had taken up fighting and training. They were good fighters before and had improved after years of guidance from Ashe and the real-world experience that had been thrust upon them. Despite the overwhelming failure he felt towards them, he was proud that they had come so far and happy that they were together through it all.

So, without any other pressing matters to attend to, with nowhere to go and nothing to guide their hands, they made their way to the monastery.

And, when he learned about Dedue’s death, he appreciated his sibling’s presence even more as they held him, sobbing together as if his crushing pain was their own.

\----

Ashe wouldn’t dare let his siblings march with them. He refused to let them battle on the frontlines, finally convincing them that being there would only make it harder for him to focus on the battle and put him in danger. He knew it was hypocritical of him, especially after all the time they had spent fighting alongside him until then, but he couldn’t afford to lose anyone else.

They seemed to realize this, clever and compassionate as they were, and agreed to stay and help defend the monastery. They were a great help, especially in the kitchen, proving that they were all three related, indeed. After a point, he’s not sure the kitchen staff nor the soldiers and monks who enjoyed their cooking would let his two younger siblings leave to fight, even if Ashe would allow it.

This meant that he always had something to look forward to upon returning to the monastery. His siblings would always be there to greet him with warm smiles and love. He was reminded of why he fought, why he had to keep fighting. He had to protect the innocence of his not-so-innocent siblings, as much blood staining their hands as his own. He had to fight for justice for those who had lost everything and refused to give up. He had to be strong for those who relied on him, his classmates and battalion that fought alongside him. This war wasn’t meaningless. Things needed to change, the issues within the country having simmered slowly to the boiling point, the scalding waters of revolution pouring over and out onto the country.

And, deep down, he also fought for Dedue, who had understood him better than anyone else in their class, and who also deserved the chance to experience the change that was coming. He is the face of all those wronged that Ashe wants to fight for.

And, he’s also not sure he could ever forgive the Empire for taking away someone so precious to him, leaving him with the burden of a love that would never see the light of day.

\----

In the battle for the Bridge, Dedue came back. Returned to them from the dead with no fanfare like he had simply gone out for a while. Like they hadn’t mourned him, cried for him, felt the suffocating lack of his presence everywhere in the monastery.

He was strong. He had reconnected with his people, and himself, and brought back a strength that shone in his every move, radiated from his eyes. He was new, changed, but still that beautiful man, strong, relentless. 

Ashe had long doubted the Church, Seiros and Sothis now distant memories to him. This wasn’t a miracle. This was the strength that Dedue himself possessed. He just reappeared, bringing reinforcements in the form of those he himself had helped so long ago. He turned the tide of the battle, bringing them to victory, and after returned to his daily life like he hadn’t seen the Other Side and waved it off as he would a mosquito.

\----

It wasn’t for another moon yet that Ashe confronted him.

Dedue had mostly, understandably, been at Dimitri’s side, bringing a renewal of desperation to return their prince’s mind back to the world of the living. Dedue brought a calm to the cathedral where Dimitri still stalked, stopping his ramblings from cascading into a torrent of screams and anguish.

Ashe was proud of Dedue for bringing Dimitri closer to the world of living once again. He wondered if Dedue understood Dimitri’s madness because Dedue, too, had seen the brink of it personally and stepped away.

Then Gronder happened, valuable lives lost, and it seemed the worst of Dimitri’s madness lifted.

Dimitri began to slowly come to himself again. After some time had passed, Dedue began to separate himself from Dimitri to spend time to himself or with his friends and allies.

Ashe, of course, capitalized on this opportunity, beginning by dragging Dedue into the kitchen with him to cook, which began well, but ended with Ashe sobbing into Dedue’s chest, their arms around each other, as he recalled the despair he had fallen into upon learning of Dedue’s demise.

Dedue had said nothing on that, except to thank him for caring. To thank him for being a true friend, even when they had been apart for so long. He was happy, he explained, knowing that he had someone so pure-hearted and kind in his life. Ashe promised then he would be there to protect Dedue, that he would always watch his back. Dedue smiled at that, small, but genuine.

Eventually, introductions were made with his siblings, and to both his horror and relief, they got along swimmingly, his sister teaching Dedue to embroider in their spare time, his brother learning to grow flowers in the greenhouse. Their group fluctuated, sometimes all four of them spending time together. Sometimes, Dedue spent time alone with one or both of Ashe’s siblings. The smirks and sly smiles Dedue would give Ashe after those times made him quake, for several reasons.

Ashe didn’t think much of it, beyond the joy of his favorite people in the world getting along and forming their own friendships. That is until, one day in the kitchen, his sister, behind Dedue’s back, winked at Ashe and mouthed something that suspiciously looked like “I approve.”

Ashe had to force himself from throwing dough at her, as that would be a waste and an embarrassment in front of Dedue. Though, Ashe’s face turning beet red while his sister cackled was an embarrassment all on its own. Ashe refused to elaborate when Dedue asked.

He was truly happy like this. But still.

\----

His siblings approved of Dedue, and Ashe…he loved him. It was overwhelming, eating him inside out, a disease he welcomed into his core with open arms, a blessing that would slowly rot his attentions into greedy desires.

The war was still going on. There was no time for these kinds of feelings. But the last time he put it off, he had truly thought that he had lost Dedue. He tossed and turned in his sleep, berating himself for being so caught up in his feelings at this inopportune time, yet unable to let them go, to push them back. He considered it very unknightly, unwilling to ignore his own passions for the sake of the Kingdom.

He finally decided one night, after another restless night, just in the wee hours before dawn, that the only way to free himself and return his focus fully to the fight would be to talk. He needed face to face communication. Without it, his own thoughts would rip him in half before an enemy’s axe could ever sunder him.

\----- 

He set up a tea pot in his room, a tray of cookies Mercedes had helped him bake (after coaxing the reason from him, of course. Annette would know by the end of the hour, Felix would follow. He was finished) and took a deep breath before he knocked on the heavy wooden door adjacent to his own. The sound resounded through his arm to his head which screamed at him to turn away now.

Dedue opened the door.

“Ashe,” he said, a smile gracing his scarred face, “a pleasure to see you.”

“H-hello, Dedue.” Get it together, he chastised himself, now is the time to have confidence. “If you’re free now, I’d love to have tea and chat, err, talk with you about something important.”

“Alright.”

And just like that, they found their way into Ashe’s room, sipping on lightly scented ginger tea silently, with only the clatter of plates for ambient noise. It was at the moment Ashe took a cookie and stuffed it into his mouth, the anxiety tickling his fingertips making him jumpy and awkward in his motions, that Dedue spoke.

“What did you want to discuss?” he asked, the corners of his lips twitching when he noticed Ashe’s stuffed cheeks.

Ashe took a sip of tea, but drank too fast, choking for a moment when he swallowed it wrong. Dedue moved to help, but Ashe waved him off. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, regaining his composure, “that was embarrassing.”

Dedue’s smirk came into full bloom. Ashe thought he’d find himself annoyed if it weren’t such a lovely sight. Dammit. “Are you okay now?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine.” Ashe shrank slightly. There’s no way he could go through with this now. He was finished. It would have to wait until another day.

But they would soon march again, and he had promised himself he would do this before then.

(And, he imagined that by now, all the Blue Lions knew, the whole army too, and that if he didn’t tell Dedue, he’d find out from someone else)

He took a deep breath. He could do this. He could do this.

“Um,” Great start, keep it going, “You’re very handsome, Dedue.” What? No, that is not what he was supposed to say. It was true, sure, but-

“And you are very beautiful, Ashe,” Dedue returned, and with that coy smirk, Ashe spiraled further. “Is this what you wanted to talk about?”

“Yes. No! I mean no. That’s not what I meant. No, wait, I did mean it, but it’s not what I wanted to say.” Ashe stammered, the words gushing out of his mouth. Dedue reached across the table to take his hand, lacing their fingers together. Ashe’s face burned as he stared in shock at their entwined hands.

“Ah.” Dedue said, “Don’t fret. I believe I understand, but I would like to hear in your own words.”

Words would indeed be very useful right now, if only they would come to his lips. Dedue lightly ghosted his thumb over Ashe’s, comforting and gentle.

Ashe couldn’t bring himself to raise his eyes, but he began to speak. “I…care for you. A lot. I have since our Academy days, but I didn’t say anything then, and then…everything happened.” He said, sighing, his breath leaving him like a weight. He looked at Dedue, holding his gaze. It was soft. “I wanted to protect you. Since then, when Lonato died. You were, and are, precious to me. A friend first and foremost, a trusted and reliable ally. But I failed you. I wasn’t there.”

“Ashe, you couldn’t have done anything,” Dedue muttered, his voice deep and rumbling. “You had no way of knowing what was happening, and there was no way for you to be there. The joy I saw on your face on my return was more than anything I could have asked.” He stood, pulling Ashe up with him, taking his free hand with his own. Ashe stared up at him.

“No, Dedue, that’s not enough. You deserve so much. You deserve so much more respect and joy in your life.” Ashe tightened his grip. “I want to protect you, support you, be there to pick you up when you stumble. I want to help you rebuild Duscur after this war. I want to learn everything about you, about your culture, anything you’re willing to share.” He paused, the words suddenly stopping as he knew what should naturally come next. Still, even now, he felt fear for what he wanted to say.

Dedue took this pause to speak, “I would be glad to share this with you. You are truly one of my dearest companions. I’ll allow you to protect me, only if you let me protect you in turn.”

Ashe swallowed, and nodded. “Dedue, I love you.” He broke in a smile, unable to contain the joy that he felt breaking through his skin. “I love you.”

“I love you, as well, Ashe.”

Ashe gently moved his hands from Dedue’s to wrap around his shoulders, Dedue’s arms coming around Ashe, supporting him as he moved onto the tips of his toes. “Dedue, if it’s okay, I’d really like to kiss you now.” His face burned to the tips of his ears, but he maintained his eye-contact, searching for any sign of hesitation. He only saw a softening, a twinkling in Dedue’s expression, that wonderful, soft smile widening just a hair.

“Of course,” he whispered, bringing Ashe closer, supporting him by his hips as he leaned down to meet Ashe’s lips.

The kiss was soft, chaste, a soft pushing of their lips against each other. Dedue’s lips were chapped, rough for the lack of care and the chilling winter air, but he tasted like the ginger tea and the sugar from the cookies. Ashe hummed, content and full of love. Dedue pulled back, kissing his forehead as he straightened again. He pulled Ashe flush against him, wrapping his arms around him.

Ashe buried his face in Dedue’s shoulder, unable to stifle his grin nor his embarrassing flush.

“I love you,” he said again, the sound muffled by Dedue’s scarf. He felt Dedue’s hand run down the back of his head, smoothing down his hair, tangling his fingers in his locks. Maybe soon, he could take Dedue’s hair down from its tidy style and run his own hands through it.

“And I love you,” Dedue replied.

This was enough for now. Here, in Ashe’s room alone, they were safe, surrounded by warmth. Ashe pulled them down into his bed, snuggling close to Dedue as they exchanged soft words and softer kisses.

They next day, they would go together into the monastery, going through their daily tasks. Ashe imagined it would be much the same, but filled with light touches, stolen kisses, meaningful glances.

But, he realized, this was no longer fantasy, no longer something he needed to hide or push down. The time had come, finally, where he could express his love for Dedue freely. And whatever came next, whatever horrors this war brought to them, he would protect Dedue, and Dedue would protect him. He wanted to give Dedue his all, and he would stay at his side for as long as Dedue would have him.

Finally, he had spoken his heart freely, and the love that filled him would last him through the rest of his battles and beyond this war.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I'd love to hear from you!  
> Find me at Twitter [here](https://twitter.com/JaybirdSpec)


End file.
